A taxpayer's State of the Territory speech

Our governor is about to address the people of the USVI with his version of the State of the Territory. As a concerned citizen and enthusiastic supporter of our government, I feel that it is my responsibility to propose a speech that highlights all the accomplishments that our government has achieved.

Here it is:

DEAR FELLOW CITIZENS: As you all know, my term as your governor nears its end. Over the last seven years, my dedicated staff and I have worked relentlessly to make our islands a better place to live and work, balance our annual budgets, provide excellent schools and teachers for our children, bring our hospitals up to a level so they can be accredited, have a police force capable to reduce our crime rate, build decent roads with yellow and white stripes, and (last but not least) provide us all with reliable and affordable electricity.

In short: I wanted to turn our islands into the "American Paradise" again, just as it was embossed in our license plates many years ago.

Just like President Obama, when I took office less than eight years ago, I inherited from my predecessors a territory with a lot of short-term and long-term debts and obligations, a poor infrastructure, poor schools, poor everything. But me and my dedicated staff changed things around, and I will work hard to the end of my term to make things even better. I have an excellent relationship with our senators, and together we will accomplish and resolve issues such as:

For the fiscal year of 2012, we will eliminate the budget deficit of approximately $68 million by borrowing money. This is a long-standing tradition in our government, and our experts know how to deal with the paperwork. And while we are at it, we might as well borrow between $90 million to $120 million. It is better to be on the safe side. It is prudent that we think ahead: With HOVENSA and its employees as our biggest single source of revenue out of the picture, the cost for fuel will undoubtedly go up.

As you know, the government owns and maintains a large fleet of vehicles and cars for personal use that need to be fueled. Furthermore, we need to light and air condition our government offices and schools, day and night, which represents about 16 percent of all the power WAPA produces. But I'll get back to this subject later.

I will draft and submit to our Legislature a request to eliminate the LEAC charges from our WAPA bill once and for all (big applause from the audience). The cost we pay per KW/hour will remain the same, but no WAPA customer can complain about the LEAC surcharge anymore.

I will draft and submit to our Legislature a request to eliminate the $30 million plus obligation from the government to WAPA. Since neither the legislative nor executive branch have paid for their electricity for years, we might as well wipe it from the books. WAPA is used to the fact that the government does not pay its bills.

They borrow or float bonds, just like we do, and charge the interest and payments for the principal amount to the customers, who have no choice but to pay. It is just another tax, but it's collected from WAPA and not the government.

I will draft and submit to our Legislature a request, and will sign into law, a ban officially stopping any road construction or repairs. Along with it, I will ask for an official speed limit of 10 miles per hour for all vehicles and on all of our islands. Since most of our roads are curvy, overgrown with weeds, have no painted side or center lines and are littered with cracks and potholes, we have the responsibility to look out for the safety of our visitors and citizens.

Our Tourism Department spends millions of dollars in advertising to promote our beautiful islands, and the last thing we want to happen is that even one of these visitors disappears in one of these potholes. I also suggest to our Senate not to refer to potholes. We should refer to them as something like "Drive Slow and Enjoy the Scenery."

I will draft and submit to our Legislature a request that our students graduate from high school at age 16. If memory serves me right, about 40 percent drop out at this age anyway and get into a trade that keeps our police, lawyers, prosecutors and courts busy.

We should legalize drugs, another source of revenue that could be taxed and would bring us a load of tourists. We would empty our jails and make room for other offenders such as drunken drivers, road-side litterers and our many child abusers and rapists.

I will draft and sign an executive order that all government vehicles assigned to individual government employees can be used ONLY for commuting to and from the office; doing shopping during office hours; driving to and from lunch and dinner; taking family or guests to the airport or ferry; driving family, relatives or friends to doctors or hospitals; doing sightseeing trips with potential future tourists; and going to funerals for co-workers or senators.

All vehicle charges must be made to the government by way of a government-issued credit card or voucher. It is prohibited to fill up tanks that are used to refuel lawn mowers, snow plows, hedge trimmers, ski mobiles, your personal or spouse's vehicle and other equipment other than the government-assigned car.

Your government-assigned car may be used by your spouse, girlfriend or any other family member provided the vehicle has tinted windows and is parked out of sight of the public.

And now the most important issue:

I will draft and sign a law that I will propose to our legislators that would put Delegate to Congress Donna Christensen to better use. Mrs. Christensen spends most of her time commuting between the USVI and Washington. While she is on island, she promotes herself for job security. In Washington, she does a (very good) job to solicit, beg or peddle for money, funds and grants for the USVI.

As much as we resent being a territory of the United States, we have to realize that a substantial amount of money to sustain our islands comes from taxpayers who live and work on the mainland. Without this money, the USVI would have been out of business a long time ago. We just are not capable to manage our finances and live within our ways and means.

I want the senators to direct Mrs. Christensen to convince the U.S. Congress that the USVI is a vital part of the United States and that we make significant contributions to our nation by helping to waste American taxpayers' money.

During the last months of my administration, I will do my very best to accomplish some of the issues I promised to you at the beginning. As you can see, I still have a lot on my plate before I leave office, and I will fulfill my promises I made just like my predecessors did. I will also pay for my fence I promised to pay for when I leave office.

- Andreas Tietje lives on St. Thomas.

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